Captain's Weekend - denied the clap that was rightfully mine.

This weekend was Captain's weekend, where we play a couple of sociable rounds of golf and raise money for whichever charity has been chosen by the Captain. Our 2009 Captain, Peter Adams, has selected the Air Ambulance, a fine and worthy cause and I hope we manage to raise plenty of money for them during the year. On Saturday alone we raised over £600.

A beautiful day, just a slight breeze to ruffle the trees and make a half-club decision a bit more tricky. I played with Dave, Mick and another Martin (we've got three or four, I'm used to being unique!). Dave's birthday, he was 53. He had a broken ankle a few months ago and has has a series of operations on it. My suspicion is that they have fitted some sort of spring in there - getting on for 300 yards off the tee, not bad for a short middle aged fat bloke. That said, everyone in the group hit the ball a country mile - I'm not used to being the shortest driver in the game but I was regularly 30 yards back. Must sort a lesson or two out on that.

I started off badly, entirely the fault of my wife, who gave me extra strong coffee to start the day - caffeine overload and I was pressing on every shot. Three double bogeys in the first five holes and I was starting to worry. Started to pull it round with a four on the long sixth for four points (SI 2), bogeyed 7 then parred the 8th. On our course the half-way house is after the 8th, and with it being Captain's day it was free food and drink for a contribution to the charity. I took a tactical decision and went for the glass of whisky...

...and turned into a golf god. Parred 9, 10, bogey 11, birdie 12, par 13, bogey 14, par 15, 16, double bogey the bloody hard par 3 17th, par 18th. 42 points! Net 65! The Captain and Vice Captain were waiting on the last green with beer for all.

Went home, came back (in a nice shirt) to the presentation. Five prizes in Division 3 - Fifth Prize was for 41 points, 4th prize, also 41 points....3rd prize, ALSO 41 points (this is it) 2nd prize, 43 points ...eh?

Spoke to the Competitions Sec afterwards - no, I hadn't been disqualified for anything. Turns out the computer had fallen over half way through the comp, and they had made a mistake with the cards, or lost mine or something. I'll get a voucher, probably, but I feel guilty now because they'll probably take it out of the competition fund, so potentially reducing the air ambulance fund. I could refuse it I suppose but I really fancy a new 7-wood.....

The really bad news was that the comp was a non-qualifier, so no reduction. Shame, I thought I might come down to 18 for that.

The Ladies (yes, I know, but they genuinely never refer to themselves as 'women') had a nine-hole comp that went out after the men. Julie had 19 points for second place. She's really moving up the rankings now!

Sunday was a pairs comp. I partnered my son Peter. Another beautiful day. We played against Andy Norton, another junior, nice lad, very fluid swing as all the juniors seem to have, and Paul, a little, wiry feller who had been a PT instructor in the Army and is now a personal trainer. Probably older than me and I thought aggressively and unneccessarily fit looking. Suggested quite early on in the round that I would benefit from joining his over-40's fitness club ('get some of that off'), and that I should carry my bag rather than taking a trolley. It wasn't long before I started guiltily sneaking my wine gums out of my bag instead of eating them openly. All I can say (afterwards, quietly) is that I'm taking no lessons in health and fitness from a bloke who smoked six cigars during the round...And we beat them 2&1. Had to get the calculator out at one point to make sure Peter had won a hole (3/4 of handicap difference taken from the lowest handicap), not that I'm being petty...