How to make a prat out of yourself and why oh why can't I hit a 40 yard shot!?

Didn't play in the Bogey Cup on Saturday. I was innocently swishing my club around in the garden on Wednesday when I felt a muscle twang in my shoulder. Not bad on Wednesday, bloody painful on Thursday and Friday. I thought I could probably play through it but decided that if I left myself not able to play on Sunday in the Mixed Open with the good lady wife I would probably be in trouble.

What oh what do you do on a Saturday when you aren't golfing? I moped about, didn't have a clue what to do with myself, did a bit of work, eventually went to see my dad who has Sky Sports and watched the golf on his telly. Think I'll just play through the pain from now on, Saturdays are just too boring otherwise.

Anyway, dropped Peter off at Wollaton Park GC Sunday lunchtime for his competition (The Henderson and Carlisle Trophy, a junior open) and went up to Mapperley. Made a complete fool of myself in the bar before the round. A chap walked in who I was at school with. Haven't seen him for 30 years. I greeted him with 'Didn't you used to be John Wayne?' He walked straight past me. The penny then dropped - this was Neil Walton, who looked a bit like another lad in our year called John Dwayne. So I had greeted a very distant acquaintance by asking him if he was a long dead cowboy actor. What a dick. Went and spoke to him properly, his face said 'hello mate' but his eyes were going 'what a prat'. Ho hum.

33 points in the comp. 19 on the front nine, and feeling as though we were minorly in the hunt for a prize. All fell apart on the back though. The format was Greensome, where both players tee off and then you choose one of the drives and take alternate shots thereafter. A nice format, especially for mixed comps. Our inexperience showed through though. I'm pretty good from anything over 80 yards where I can take a fullish swing, and OK around the greens, but not so hot from 40 yards away. Julie couldn't quite reach the greens with her approaches, so I had a lot of these awkward chips to play, and left her with some impossible putts. We'll learn. Out of the forty-odd couples in the comp we were about 8th or 9th, so we can't really complain. Just outside the prizes.

I did notice that Neil and his wife had 27 points - he wants to try getting off his horse.

we did have to send our eldest son Tom to pick Peter up. Now Tom's a nice lad, but not sartorially elegant, so we had warned him not to go into the clubhouse. That would have been fine if he could have found the golf course. Not quite sure how he managed it, but we think he ended up driving across the course itself (on roads, don't worry) and Peter had to climb a fence to get to him. Best not to ask, really.